First Impressions of Weird Fruits

I went to Farm Boy and bought a small assortment of fruits that both interested me and I had never tasted before, because it seemed fun? So i’ll give you the low-down on who is IN and who is OUT *Heidi Klum voice*.

1. Golden Kiwi

It wasn’t quite as yellow as I had hoped, but it was still pretty yellow. In the photo with it posing on the green cutting board, it’s color really pops. This fruit is quite a curious little kitten, it’s pretty much just like a regular kiwi, with a certain extra je ne sais quoi. Oh wait, I know quoi- it’s yellow. Cheers, mate.

6/10

2. Lychee

Very odd, vaguely Asian seeming, rubbery candy that someone slipped to you at the back of math class in 5th grade. That’s what it tastes like. It’s that distinctively random Asian candy taste. I don’t particularly like it, but it’s too hard to hate it. It would probably be discribed by network TV execs as ‘Adorkable’.

8/10

3. Passion fruit

Like eating the insides of your lover. It makes you not hate the word ‘lover’. The flavor and fragrance are so extreme that you want to simultaneously sing, vomit and cry tears of joy. It’s a beautiful human experience.

10/10

4. ‘Yellow Crimson’ Watermelon

Yellow ‘Crimson’ (added during emo phase in middle school) Watermelon is a long and beautiful adventure through low-hanging branches and deep, muddy rivers that lead you to a grand waterfall at sunset. But as you take a drink from the sweet brook, you find yourself cursed with an enduring perpetual thirst.

7/10

5. Grenadilla

When I cut it open and saw that it was blue inside I literally screamed. Not in fear, but in pure, unflinching joy. This little baby is the most luscious and perfect fruit I have encountered. It is the passion fruit without the knife in your heart. It is a long walk on the beach without the long walk part.

10/10

6. Cranberry Bean

My first impression of this fruit was that it is a bean. I felt attracted to its color, texture and oblong shape, but it just tastes dumb. I’m mildly angry at this bean.

4/10

7. Mirabelle Plum

(Lol the Watermelon is photo-bombing)

It was hard to break into the flesh of this gloriously sunny-colored plum, but once I did, it was squirty and fun and flirty. The closer you get to the middle, the more sour this little devil seems to get. Overall joy to be around.

7/10

I made a salad by adding tomato, arugala, strawberries and some vinigrette to my fruity friends. It was pretty good, but I still prefer chocolate pudding.

Peace Out,

Kellie Hogan

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About Kellie Hogan

co-founder and creative director of inconnu magazine

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