Gabby: WELCOME to the ~Official~ Inconnu Symposium on Girl Crushes
Kellie: Hey y’all
let’s have some fun this beat is sick (lol nope. how should we start this ting.)
Gabby: literally I was just dancing to that song five minutes ago
Kellie: “Webster’s dictionary defines a girl crush as a woman-on-woman admiration of a quality, skill or physical feature…” jk
Gabby: lol. so what are your problems with girl crush//did I not address any of them in the article?
Kellie: You’re article definitely changed my perspective on the term
Gabby: no way! I’ve never been a good persuasive writer, so that’s ~exciting.
Do you actually like the term right now or does it just not drive you crazy?
Kellie: I originally hated it because I thought it was a bit homophobic and over-simplified the idea of admiring another girl or woman. It seems to make these good things too “high school” in a way, if that makes sense? Like the term “crush” in general actually annoys me.
Gabby: yeah, I can see that. I feel really immature when I use it now, which definitely isn’t very often.
Kellie: But I think your article did a good job of pointing out the term “girl crush” (like “crush”) isn’t usually used in a sexual way at all. It’s very much an innocent term.
I don’t think I’ve ever used it myself. I usually just flat out say that I’m obsessed with/in love with someone, haha.
Gabby: right, and like, something I don’t think I really got into because I didn’t want to ~go there~ was that just because a select group might use it in a sort of homophobic way, that shouldn’t mean no one can ever use it with a non-offensive connotation.
Yeah, I actually don’t really use it all the time, but in my head I guess I sort of categorize my “lady loves” as “girl crushes” so when I used to hear people say they didn’t like the term it made me feel like I was a bad female/feminist/person for thinking of them that way but then I started thinking about it and realized my perspective on it and then it just started to kind of bother me when people would discount it without considering that it could mean something else
Kellie: No I totally get that because I really hate political correctness when it seems like it can be stiffling to getting a certain point across- which I feel like it often does now a days when it seems like literally everything can be interpreted as offensive to someone.
Not to sound like a douche. Does that make me sound like a douche?
Gabby: No, it definitely does it. Unless we’re both douches, because that’s how I feel too.
Like there are things that I don’t necessarily ever say but when I hear people get angry about them not being PC I get inordinately pissed off because a lot of the times it seems unnecessary.
There are things that are offensive to a general population and then there are things that are offensive to, like, two people, and it’s usually because those two people are unnecessarily sensitive so why should I base my vocabulary off of those two people when it’s not really representative of what’s important?
Kellie: Like, one time I wrote an article about how to choose the right seat on a bus (ie avoiding smelly people and people eating smelly foods) and in the opening sentence I sort of joked that we can thank “mama Rosa Parks” for giving us the chance to sit wherever we want, except that can be a very difficult task, etc…. blah blah blah. ANYWAY Someone called me out on it saying that they understood i was trying to be funny but calling be blatantly racist. So the article got deleted and I cried.
I’d like to think ever since that I make sure not to touch anything potentially offensive with a 10 foot pole.
That was sort of a tangent. But “girl crush” is the type of thing that’s only offensive once it has been over-analyzed (maybe).
Gabby: Things like that are what bother me. I’m not saying that making something funny automatically makes it offensive, but in that case I genuinely don’t see anything wrong with it. And to make it so that you avoid all such things afterwards is dumb, for lack of a smarter sounding word, too.
And I would say that it’s offensive if it’s been analyzed but not enough? But that’s my personal bias talking because I feel like from my analyzing it “enough” I have concluded it isn’t offensive
But again, it’s still my personal opinion, even if I want to be queen of the world and make everyone agree with me.
Kellie: Offensiveness aside- I was reading the twitter search for ‘girl crush’ and it was really nice/refreshing to see so many girls openly crushing on other girls. It is such a good thing to see the whole “mean girl” girl-on-girl hate/competitiveness that girls tend to have with one another being refuted. Someone tweeted: “Ok Lesbi-honest, how can you not have a girl crush on [Demi Lovato]”
Gabby: I agree! I’ve definitely seen a trend on the internet lately where a lot of girls are insisting that it’s not okay for there to be so much brutal competition. It’s cool to see fans saying that it’s okay to love two “rival” female singers/characters/actresses whose fans might usually have the reputation for bitching at one another
I want to find that one and star it because I like puns a LOT
Kellie: It was @lovaticelexia, lol
Can you think of any examples of fans loving two rival singers? Lol there are rival singers? like Britney and XTina?
Meaghan: Here’s my deal. I’m into ladies and dudes so I actually have girl crushes. But to be honest I havent learned to develop middle school like crushes on girls the way I have on guys.
Gabby: I feel like I’ve seen a lot of people (even though it’s kind of been a dead subject for a year, but yes I still see it talked about from time to time) supporting both taylor swift and beyonce after the kanye west thing, and also people like Miley and Selena, who have had the same boyfriend, or really anything ~like that. I think there was at some point some contention between Rihanna and Nicki Minaj fans too? But I don’t see it anymore so I shall assume it has come to a peaceful and loving feminist resolution.
Meaghan: I believe Jenna marbles has s video in this subject…
Gabby: I really need to watch her videos. Also just youtube videos in general.
Kellie: I am president of team “Jenna Marbles for SNL” but i might be the only one…
Meaghan: You arent.
Gabby: I feel like of the very few videos I’ve seen of hers, I would be part of that as well. There are a lot of people I would like to be on SNL, especially in place of some of the people they DO put on it.
Kellie: That’s another conversation (that I would like to have).
Meaghan: So yeah I have a girl crush tag on my blog and it’s mostly women who I admire as well as find beautiful. Kate McKinnon is amazing. Also Nasim Pedrad.
Gabby: would you say that you use the term “girl crush” for woman you might actually be attracted to or just for woman you admire non-sexually? I feel like everyone uses it differently which I guess is one of the reasons there is contention about it
Also, Kellie, we should have that convo. It should happen.
Kellie: But Meaghan, I’m interested to know if you think the term in any way degrades or stigmatizes lesbian relationships/love by specifying that it’s a “girl” crush. When straight females don’t use the term “boy crush”.
Meaghan: Ummmmmmmm I kind of don’t think of it as sexual attraction. It’s kind of removed from the equation
Kellie: Personally, I have a hard time “crushing” on someone non-sexually. I just don’t see the separation between church and state, yahno? Like, if i like you, i LIKE you. God, I’m crazy though… Have we squeezed all the pulp out of the girl crush discussion?
Meaghan: What I find issue with is the almost infantilizing aspect of it. Also when girls say oh Lololol I think a girl is objectively hot how gay is that? Yeah actually now that I think about it, I have varying degrees of sexual attraction in crushes.
Gabby: putting it that way, kellie, I feel like even though I understand why someone might ~think it stigmatizes it, I don’t believe it actually does. because, for example, if I am speaking about my crushes PERSONALLY, and I am a straight female, then for me, “crush” would imply that it is a male person, so “girl crush” would then be used when that was not the case. But for a lesbian, in my mind, it would make sense for them to say they, for example, had a “boy crush” on an actor/male celebrity because it is not implied for them. (now, yes, we probably have)
Meaghan: Example: I really admire Marion cotillard but I’m not all that attracted to her. I am attracted to freya mavor and I also admire her? But like I’d never call Ryan gosling a boy crush
Kellie: Yeah Gabby, that makes sense. I just don’t really like having to bother differentiating between my types of crushes. Maybe this makes me bisexual or something. Like, I love Robert Pattinson and Brigette Bardot in the same way. I have a crush on both of them and it’s a bit sexual (as much as it can be without KNOWING someone). I don’t like the idea of having to call one of those things a “girl crush” and one a regular, plain old “crush”.
Gabby: I totally understand that.I kind of mentioned that in my article – there are actresses I admire for a certain quality but I’m not attracted to them (Jennifer Lawrence, for exmaple) but then there are actresses who I would say yes I am actually attracted ~to~ them in the same way I’m attracted to, say, Chris Evans.
Kellie: i think if everyone identified as either “straight” or “gay” (which they obviously don’t) then the terms “girl crush” and “boy crush” would be effective.
Gabby: I mean, I guess my thing about “girl crushes” or words like this in general (that some people find offensive or not PC or whatever) is that you don’t HAVE to use it, but just because it’s not something you want to use doesn’t mean it’s necessarily offensive? like there are words I don’t use but I don’t mind other people using them, but why can’t the people who do identify as completely straight or gay then use those terms effectively. I realize that it unfortuantely creates a grey area for everyone else who might not use them in the same way but does that really cause a ~problem? You know what I mean?
Kellie: No, you’re right. It’s not like it should be banned from usage. I think I’ll just opt out of using it for lack of adequately describing my feelings (of which there are many).
STICK A FORK IN ME (I’m done.)
Gabby: Yeah, I think we’re good? We’re about to start going in circles, I think.
This was really great, we should keep doing things like this : }
Gabby: see you guys around the interwebz (or, you know, real life, in Meaghan’s case)