It’s that time of year again, internet. The Hollywood hype has turned into reality and actors and actresses get invited to fancy dinner parties every night where they get to wear fabulous and expensive clothing, a hoard of Paolo-esque stylists in their wake. For us, mere peasants that we are, it means awards shows and red carpets. There are so many that it’s hard to know what to do with yourself – even sitting down to watch the Golden Globes can be overwhelming. Here’s a quick and simple guide to getting through awards season in one piece, whether you’re a cinephile, wannabe reality star, or would rather be watching football but your roommate/significant other stole the remote.
- Play a drinking game if no one in your group is passionately invested in the show. There are quite a few fun ones online, tailored for each new awards season and even specific awards shows. These are best played if you’re in a group of at least three people and you enjoy laugh-crying in solidarity with Leonardo DiCaprio every time they show him not being called out of his seat (and who doesn’t?).
- Don’t watch with your Hollywood-crazed friend if you’re not super excited, or vice versa. People who are super obsessive about awards shows are the worst – I’m allowed to say that because I am one of those people. Whether I’ve seen every movie nominated or hardly half, I spend the whole night talking to (okay, yelling at) the screen and sometimes even watching separate livecasts simultaneously (one on the television and at least one on my laptop). For someone who maybe only wants to see the red carpet fashion or Eddie Redmayne’s face, I can be even more irritating than usual. So know your level of interest and don’t try to force all of your friends to join you.
- Try to guess who will get cut off by the Evil Music Producers before their acceptance speech is over, and laugh maniacally when their speech suddenly turns into a frantic list of names as they look to the side of the stage wondering if there will actually be a giant cane to reach out and drag them off.
- Everyone mutes the acceptance speeches of people when they’re not pretty or famous. We’re only human, after all. But writers, and for some reason, film editors, have notoriously funny and/or cute speeches, so give them at least part of your attention, the minimum amount.
- Roll your eyes at Anne Hathaway for being overdramatic when she inevitably wins everything this season (whether you wanted her to or not), but never stop loving her and accepting her as your Genovian Queen of the Universe.
- Always remember that 99.9% of awards are given by bodies of people, not one of whom is you, nor are they necessarily accurate representations of the movie-going population and just shrug it off. All’s well that doesn’t start the next apocalypse, and I don’t think the next apocalypse will be started by the “wrong” person winning an Oscar.
- Also, never, ever miss the opening monologue.