Art by Nancy
I feel like I am an authority on the matter of Emma Stone and Jennifer Lawrence’s love lives, because I’ve seen all their movies, and watched all their interviews (or at least all the ones that are available on YouTube in Canada). So after hours of collecting data, gathering field research, polling people on the street, etc., here are my reasons why Emma Stonen O’Brien and J-Law should say “all aboard” to their relation-ship:
- They’d make sweet Dionysiac love:
The powerful Tragic actress, and the sweet Comedic actress, together at last. I also mean that Jennifer is hilarious when it seems like she isn’t trying to be, and Emma is hilarious in a way that is super natural and easy. I think Emma is the type of girl that all the dudes want to hangout with, and Jennifer is the type of girl that all the dudes are totally caught off guard by.
- Both of them are Tech-Philistines:
Neither of them use Twitter. Emma Stone deleted her Facebook because she got addicted to Farmville, and Jennifer Lawrence can’t even keep track of it all. In an interview with the Daily Beast, she said: “Do you ever feel like the world is progressing way too fast for you? Everybody was talking yesterday about Twitter and Instagram and Tumblr. It was really confusing me and overwhelming me. I literally started losing my breath.” Essentially, they’re both total internet Grandpas.
- America needs a lesbian “it” couple
I’m tired of shipping dudes in boy-bands with each other, I want to swoon over a Hollywood “it” girl couple. Ellen and Portia are adorable, but I want hilarious young BABES to worship. Who in their right mind doesn’t want paparazzi pics of Emma Stone and Jennifer Lawrence picnicking in the park, and spoon-feeding each other fro-yo? No one, that’s who.
- I’m willing to settle for these two being Platonic-Soul-Sisters
I don’t want to push them to be something they’re not, and I mean Emma and Andrew Garfield are pretty cute together. So, I will gladly settle for Platonic-Soul-Sister status. But I still want those paparazzi pics of them feeding each other in the park. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
- Crazy Stupid Playbook:
Steve Carell is the coach of a girls flag football team; J-Law is the angry, messed-up quarter back, and Emma is their star wide receiver, with quick wit and even quicker feet. Steve Carell acts all crazy and stupid, trying his best, despite having no football knowlege whatsoever, to lead the team to victory. When they win, Emma’s boyfriend Ryan Gosling embraces her on the sidelines, and Jennifer’s boyfriend Bradley Cooper chases her in the rain all the way home.
- The Super-Bad-Hunger Games:
There are two dudes who are always hanging out together (and a third Hamburger-named guy who just follows them around), and one is skinny and one is fat. The skinny one is SUPER SUPER hungry because the fat one keeps eating all his food. So the skinny dude uses his friend, sultry redhead Emma Stone, to distract the fat one, while his other hungry friend Jennifer Lawrence shoots a bunch of squirrels and rabbits with her crossbow for them to eat. The movie ends with J-Law and the skinny guy roasting squirrel over the open fire, while Emma and the fat guy canoodle in a nearby cave.
- What was I talking about again?