Birthday Alpha-Bits and Booty

Yo, Players. This week for Cereal Tuesday I was celebrating the birth of myself, as well as Mindy Kaling and Solange. #GoddessDay (Ok, it was yesterday, but let’s be real every day is Goddess Day when you have sprinkles in your cereal).

Alpha-Bits cereal n’ milk!

A real birthday classic.

Gotta get that candle ALL UP IN your cereal. There is a hunger for cereal, and it never goes out.

Flavor: 8/10

All I wanted out of the cereal was joy and sweet succulent sugar. I got more! I found myself in the bottom of the bowl; brilliant pink milk left behind to linger.

Crunch: 9/10

The double crunch of the sprinkles and little letters is like the double chain-ed-ness of 2 Chainz. And a certain someone else in this video may or may not be honoring those 2 Chainz herself. I’m pretty sure the Holy Trinity is 2 Chainz and each one of his chains.

Branding: 7/10

The old gentlemen over at Post Cereal lose some points here for using a 90s-ass desktop computer as their mascot. Couldn’t we at least get an iPhone 5 on the box? You know, try to bring Alpha-Bits into the next generation? Most kids these days have iPads before they can even walk, yah know?

Fun: 10/10

I had about as much fun eating this as I would tying myself to a 20 foot tall candy cane and getting misted with Sauvignon Blanc.

Overall Satisfaction: 8.9/10

This combo packs a 1-2 punch of sweetness and crunch. Now all I want for my birthday is a big booty to eat this off of.

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About Kellie Hogan

co-founder and creative director of inconnu magazine

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