How to Escape Tumblr

tumblr collage

Tumblr addiction is a real and serious problem. Now, I know from my dashboard that there are at least 5 million other people who have the same issue as I do, so here is a list of ways that I have come up with to get away from Tumblr (for at least a little while):

  1. Turn the wifi off—often temptation is the worst part.
  2. Try to socialize with people, in real life. IRL.
  3. Read a book and then read it again. (Note: you may feel the need to blog about it. Avoid that.)
  4. Also, avoid John Green books.
  5. Watch Orange is the New Black. It is a guaranteed way to stay off of Tumblr for 13 hours. Unfortunately, you will not be able to keep yourself from blogging about how amazing it is after the fact.
  6. Hide from the Fandoms. Being a part of one is just about as addicting as whatever you are fangirling about.
  7. Literally find a way to live under a rock. From what I hear, they don’t get very good wifi under one of those things.
  8. Watch Ellen or DailyGrace videos on Youtube. You will not be able to stop for at least 5 hours.
  9. Get convicted of a crime. They don’t have Internet  in prison.
  10. Put on an electric collar that shocks you whenever you go near the computer.
  11. Have someone hide the computer mouse. It takes a lot more effort to log on if you don’t have something to scroll with. Mind you, it is still possible, just more difficult. This would not stop a serious addict. Also, it’s not 2005.
  12. Go on Facebook more frequently. People on there are annoying and will drive you away from the Internet completely.
  13. Watch every Tim Burton movie starring Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp (read: every Tim Burton movie ever). That should probably take a while.
  14. While you are at it, watch every Woody Allen movie starring an actress he was in a relationship with.
  15. Move to an island in the middle of the Pacific. Make sure ahead of time that the island is completely abandoned as to avoid a Lord of the Flies situation.
  16. Build a time machine. Go back to the year 1992. They didn’t have internet then, but they also didn’t have Justin Bieber, so that’s good.
  17. Leave your computer in a tub of Jell-o. This is a double win because it means you are off of Tumblr and it means you also get Jell-o.
  18. Pray to the Rain Gods for a storm to come and knock out the power lines. This may take longer than you would like if it is not storm season and/or if your rain summoning is a little rusty.
  19. Play a game of Monopoly. Do not stop until someone actually wins. Resist the urge to liveblog it.
  20. Move to China. I hear they censor everything there.
  21. Watch Kristen Bell interviews from the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. There are a lot of them and all of them are hilarious.
  22. Get a job, preferably one that doesn’t involve a computer. Babysitting and tutoring may work.
  23. Just constantly fly around the world on airplanes. This may cost a lot of money, but you can make a small dent in it with the job you are going to get and it is a highly effective way to stay away from Tumblr.
  24. In fact, just get a job as a flight attendant. Then, you’ll be paid to stay off your dashboard for hours at a time.
  25. Get admitted to a psych ward because of crazy behavior that Tumblr may cause. You will go through withdrawal, but in the end, it will be worth it.
  26. Hire a hit man to kill your computer.
  27. Lock your computer in a box. Swallow the key. You won’t be able to go on Tumblr until you poop it out.
  28. Join a cult. You may have to shave your head, but the likelihood is that you would probably end up doing that if you stayed on Tumblr.
  29. Get mentored by Cole Sprouse. He is the only person in known existence to leave Tumblr.
  30. Move to Amish country.
  31. Handwrite all of your work (haha, who am I kidding?)
  32. Force yourself to go to bed at a reasonable time. This will never happen, but you can try.
  33. Show your parents what you look at on Tumblr. This is the best way to be banned from it.

By Ellie Boroughs

Collage by Kellie

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About inconnu guest

Reserved for all your submissions, or 'anonymous' articles. No relation to Christopher Guest.

One comment

  1. I’m not that into Tumblr, I like it but don’t spend so much time on it. Anyway, I think I can use this advise for my others internet obsession ^^

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